I suppose most people’s idea of a vacation is Hawaii. Maybe Mexico or even Punta Cana. Some might be adventurous and dream of one day laying on the beaches in the South of France (I’m looking at you Beyonce). That’s all nice and well, but I have a certain expectation that any travel I partake in will eventually lead to me being buried due to a well-earned gun shot wound. Roughly translated: I have a powerful obsession with North Korea and possibly an unhealthy fascination with visiting this Powerful and Prosperous Nation (yeah, that’s me, quoting North Korean propaganda). People find this incredibly odd and confusing. (Apparently the economy in North Korea is in direct offense to the beliefs of Canada? – but their website calls me “friend”! So it’s TOTALLY OKAY GUYS!). This reaction has always been alright, because my obsession makes me quite a celebrity amongst my friends – in that I am obviously some kind of spy sent from the Democratic People’s Republic to gather information about what capitalist pigs are up to these days (I like to send Kim-Jong Il pictures of potbelly pigs in Lincoln hats).

Side note: One time I got …rather… drunk at a gay bar and was telling these people in the bathroom how I went to North Korea and fell in love with this guy and when he told me he loved me I said “hahaha I choose FREEDOM!” When I started laughing and confessed I was joking, my friend Andrew punched me in the arm. My friend Andrew is a jerk.

So why the fascination with North Korea? Let me tell you in the only way I know how - NUMERICAL LISTS ORGANIZED BY DECREASING LEVELS OF HUMOUR.

Side note: I know this blog post will probably remove any possibility of ever going to the United States again. I take my “journalism” seriously, okay?

1. The Vice Guide to North Korea. If you have Netflix, if you have YouTube, if you have the ability to click that link, I sincerely suggest you watch this documentary. In return, I will not deny that this documentary helped turn my fascination with the nation into an interest for visiting. When did I first visit The Official Webpage of The Democratic People’s Republic of Korea to look at travel options? Yes, after the first time I watched this film. Later on Kimjongilia would make me feel sad about North Korea for a while, but that was fixed by watching the Vice Guide again! YAY!

2. My Imagination. Picture it: Gadhafi and Kim Jong-il meet the day of their trials at the Hague for crimes against humanity, their eyes lock across the room. This was it; the reason for their murderous reigns thousands of miles apart. They approach each other from across the room, or whatever the Hague is like – I don’t care enough to find out. Eyes still locked, Gadhafi says “I really like your special brand of crazy” and Kim Jong-il replies “your style is impeccable…I mean those sunglasses….” As they are dragged away, they scream out “I LOVE YOU SO MUCH” to each other and vow to be reunited. These are the things that occupy my mind most of the time. Can you imagine a charcoal sketch of this moment? Can you imagine bringing that sketch to North Korea and getting Kim Jong-il to sign it?!? A girl can dream.

3. Totes Hipster. I literally know of nobody who has gone there, or who wants to go there. Where else in the world is there a destination that obscure and awful? Well, maybe like…lots of places?

4. Perspective. On a more serious note, I’m a spoiled brat. I’ll admit I have nothing on Lindsay Lohan or Paris Hilton, but on a global level, I’m just awful. My water usage, gas consumption, eating habits… just ridiculous. And yet I never think about these things, ever. Mostly because I’m too busy gluing feathers in some gay dude’s hair or filling bathtubs with champagne – just for funsies. I so rarely stop to think about what my life would be like if I had been born anywhere else in the world. The fact I can hop on a plane to any continent in the world tomorrow if I choose isn’t something I should take as lightly as I do. So many people ask why I’d want to go to a country that would never give me the freedom to roam as I pleased. People constantly ask me “how is that experiencing culture?” A trip to North Korea presents the rarest opportunity to be thrown directly into a culture of complete control. I can only imagine how much more I might appreciate my freedom if I spent a week without any.

5. The Landscape, people, culture, buildings…it has all the reasons people travel anywhere. My favourite site for pictures of North Korea shows it all: Wandering Camera: North Korea

Sometimes life does laugh at you. Not with you. Just at you.

In other news, I updated my list a bit. I saw Marilyn Manson live, which was just terrible, but I did it. It would be been better categorized under “Thanks, But No Thanks” in hindsight. I have to decide what to do next on my list.

I need to move. Somewhere awesome. I wonder how rent prices are in Narnia. That place seems happening.

For fun, here is a picture:

Everett Park in Kingston.

2. I got tickets to Marilyn Manson (seeing him live is on my life list).

I’m trying to figure out something fun to do so I’ll have something interesting to blog about.

I suppose I am heading to Kingston in around a month, but I have been to Kingston several times. Hell, I lived there for almost ten years. I am desparately trying to convince my mom to go somewhere (anywhere!!) with me over a weekend or after our trip to Kingston but she is very reluctant (much to my dismay). I know I only have 60 or summers left on this planet and it depresses me to some extent this one has been somewhat wasted so far. 6 weeks left before September brings around a new semester of school, I better make the most of it. Roadtrip anyone?

Adam was, in my mind, pooing all over my dream of going to Iceland about a week ago and it made me sad. But then he said the magic words to win my heart: “Rio de Janeiro” and “cheaper”. We began to discuss other options and Adam said the third magic word to win my heart: “spreadsheets.” As of right now we are entertaining a bunch of options, including Aruba, Athens, Rome, Madrid, Barcelona, Mumbai, Tokyo, and Rio. All of these places are CHEAPER than Iceland. Fantastic!

It is rather nice not knowing where I will be going in August, just knowing that it will be somewhere foreign and fun.

Now, I am a fan of doing things that make little to no sense. It makes life more interesting. Hence, I desparately want to drive the ring road around Iceland despite it being one way bridges and dirt roads. True there is a bus that goes around it (thanks to one of my lovely commenters) but Adam is not one to take buses. We want to rent a car. Problem is, a car rental even for a few days gets up into the thousands of dollars range in Iceland. Seriously. Why? Iceland, according to Wikipedia, has one of the highest car ownership rates per capita in the entire world. You think some nice Icelandic person with 4 cars would just let us have one on good faith and maybe a nice bottle of maple syrup.

Planning this trip is slightly more difficult than I had originally thought, but I am just going to assume this will make it more fun in the end. Though, to be honest, I can’t stop thinking about that movie about the vampires in the Arctic. Iceland would make a way better vampire destination because it is a tiny isolated island. On the bright side, it would be safe from zombies in the even of a living dead outbreak (at least for a while – zombies can swim/float).

And this is what I think about while planning a trip.

Iceland makes an appearance several times on my list, testament to my desire to go and enjoy everything the country has to enjoy. It is literally at the moment my number one destination, with Morocco falling into second place. Yeah I know, snowy and cold to hot deserts, my brain doesn’t follow rhyme or reason. Only four months and I’ll be hanging out in Reykjavik! Here is what is on my list…

#317. Go to the Icelandic Phallological Museum
#356. See the Northern Lights in Iceland
#377. Travel to all of the European countries (it totally counts!)

I thought I had more on there! And now I’m wondering if I could even see the Northern Lights in August…Anywho! I’ve been looking at Iceland’s tourism websites and trying to work out some sort of rough plan. I’m also trying to find someone willing to go with me since Adam will be both working and broke and my mom has this weird vendetta against doing anything fun. I guess if it comes down to it I will go on my own, which is scary, but something I know I can do. Any good ideas of things to do in Iceland, particularly in Reykjavik?

10 Most Exotic Asian Foods
via Nellie at Wild Junket
I should mention here that the chicken feet actually look somewhat good…but the rest of it isn’t about to be consumed by me anytime soon.

This video!!!

This video is insane and I cannot believe people stand there!!

Most Dangerous Roads in the World
I hate driving in Calgary Alberta, I doubt I would survive these unscathed.

North Korea
This blog entry is surprisingly beautiful and has some wonderful photography. It actually kind of made me want to go to North Korea, but I think it might still be a little bit too out there for me. The forced participation in musicals is what does it for me.

Snow = like Iceland. Boring roofs = not like Iceland

1. Iceland
Most people like warm destinations, but being Canadian, I prefer familiar temperatures and not having to buy new clothes to travel. I also like colourful roofs, which Iceland has an abundance of. Oh, and there’s a penis museum.

2. Morocco
Whenever I dream I’m travelling, I dream I’m in Morocco. There was this one time I dreamed I was in Italy but people were trying to kill me and I stabbed someone in the neck, very vividly, so you can see why I opt more for Morocco. One time someone asked me if it was the beaches that drew me towards it, and I replied “Morocco has beaches?”. There’s something about the food, the giant deserts and the culture that I like, all of which I, of course, learned about from Brad Pitt in Babel.

3. Russia
Adam says if I go to Russia I will get stabbed and die. Why does he think I want to go? Can you imagine that twitter message? EPIC! “Landed in Moscow, went through customs, agent stabbed me in the eye”. Really, I just want to go to Russia for two reasons:
a. My Russian history teacher had a mesmerizing moustache and was totally hot.
b. That same teacher told me about a guy who dresses up like Lenin and runs around in St. Petersburg

4. Los Angeles
I’m going to find the Zachary Quinto and follow him around until he files a restraining order. Hopefully he’ll spend some time at tourist hot spots so I can see those too.

5. Cuba
I just want to be a Communist and lay on the beach without abandon.

6. Afghanistan
While I hate to see myself as being too good for a war zone, I can also see how deciding to travel freely to one as people try to escape it is a bit…well wrong. I met a guy from Afghanistan when I was in high school and he was one of the nicest people in the world and looked really good with a popped collar. He told me once about how he had shot a gun and my tiny white 17 year old Canadian brain exploded. I really want to go there, but I think I might wait for it to settle down a bit there, which I hope it does eventually.

7. Yemen
I was once told Yememi men do it better, and I now want
a. a shirt that says that
b. to wear that shirt in Yemen
Plus it might be the closest I ever get to being in Saudi Arabia.

8. Peru
I think a lot about the fact they eat guinea pigs. It fascinates me. I want to see the farms they keep them in. And try eating one, maybe. They also have alpacas which are indisputably the most awesome animal ever to exist in the entire Universe. They do not eat the alpacas from what I understand, except in rare cases, which makes Peru super cool in my books.

mmm Asian stuff.

9. Japan
Adam really got me into Japan. I used to have no interest in going at all, but after Adam kept blabbing on about wanting to go there, he totally changed my mind. And I love Asian stuff, like the food and wonderful English translations on packages.

10. New Zealand
I have a secret passion to be a sheep herder. And they have the steepest hill in the world and I want to roll down it in a garbage can.