…but it isn’t.

While wandering around downtown today with my gay-sian friend (yes, you CAN contract gay and Asian into one word!) and he says
“have you peed in that toilet yet”

And I say
“in what toilet?”

because Keith thinks that everyone can hear his thoughts.

Anyways, it turns out he was referring to the robot potty on 17th Ave SW, which is part of a “City of Calgary Sanitation” project. There is seriously no website about this thing or information. Useless city.

It’s basically this weird roundish box plopped on a street corner. It looks kind of like something they would protect a major electrical center in or something. I decided, as I needed to pee anyways, to make use of it! Plus, I thought it was on my list, even though it is totally not actually on it. The toilet itself is fantastic. It tells you how to use it in a robot voice and cleans itself. You press a BUTTON and a CLEAN TOILET SEAT APPEARS OUT OF THE WALL!!! It also plays calming music for you as you make your business. Rad and a great idea for public bathrooms. Clean and calming!

I’m sad it’s not on my list, but whatever. I peed in a robot today and that in itself is fantastic.

The title of this post is pretty much the only sentence I can say in French. It’s probably wrong, but I say it all the time just to prove that all my time in French classes was not for nothing. I took French until grade three, on and off between grades 4 and 9, and all through high school. I came out of high school with an alright understanding and the desire to take it further, but I hit a roadblock in my first year of university. Sitting in my first day of class, the professor spoke nothing but French and everyone in the class seemed to be already fluent. I dropped it after the first day because I literally had no idea what was going on or what the expectations would be (beyond already speaking French…).

Being the giant lazy sloth that I am, I just stopped. Well, that’s a lie, I attempted, poorly, to take an independent class through Athabasca University, but that was a complete wash and a waste of money. Now, I have decided to finally get back on tackling #6 on my life list to become fluent in French. I have been fairly dedicated so far, listening to podcasts everyday, reviewing old French textbooks, listening to French news stories to get an ear for the spoken rhythm of the language. I’m hopeful. I also will be enrolling in J’explore a French learning program offered at various locations across Canada, care of the Canadian government. The program is 5 weeks long and I hope to be able to do it in either Montreal or New Brunswick. The goal is conversational French fluency, but of course they have varying levels of classes. My personal goal is to not end up in the beginner’s class!

So far, my absolute favourite tool has been Coffee Break French, produced by the Radio Lingua Network. Radio Lingua has several different French podcasts, including One Minute French and the video-based Walk, Talk and Learn French, but so far, Mark and Anna at Coffee Break French have been the absolute best at helping me get a new lease on the French language. I highly recommend you check them out if you are also trying to learn or relearn Francais, either at their website or on Itunes!

Yeah, I’m not going to Seattle. The infamous “Destination Unknown” trip has been cancelled, due to Adam moving back to Lethbridge and me just not having enough energy to get up to pee, let alone drive for that long. I wasn’t even excited to be going. What is wrong with me? I’m going to NYC in three weeks with Adam and I don’t think I’m excited for that either. I’m sick of these temporary flings with travel and awesome places.

I need to move. Somewhere awesome. I wonder how rent prices are in Narnia. That place seems happening.

For fun, here is a picture:

Everett Park in Kingston.

This summer feels like a complete wash. I did go to Kelowna, true, but it has mostly been spent with my nose in books and sitting in classrooms. I guess I’m putting this work in now so I can be done school earlier, but I just want to be travelling and seeing the world. One friend just finished a study in Ghana and is now touring Germany. Irma my artist friend just finished a one month stint in Montreal. Everyone is headed somewhere or just returning and I feel stagnant.

I suppose I am heading to Kingston in around a month, but I have been to Kingston several times. Hell, I lived there for almost ten years. I am desparately trying to convince my mom to go somewhere (anywhere!!) with me over a weekend or after our trip to Kingston but she is very reluctant (much to my dismay). I know I only have 60 or summers left on this planet and it depresses me to some extent this one has been somewhat wasted so far. 6 weeks left before September brings around a new semester of school, I better make the most of it. Roadtrip anyone?

I don’t wax philosophical much on this blog, but in real life I’m the love child of Socrates and Plato (the gayest of all the philosophers: fact). And I’ve had a giant mental shift. The other night, laying in my super pink room, worried deeply about my future, Adam told me something that blew my tiny Stegosaurus brain.

And I quote: “Just do what you want”

Of course, I said: “ANYTHING I WANT?” (in caps, I talk in caps).

He said: “yes”.

Naturally, I replied: “okay, well I want to be reborn as a fabulous gay-sian man who can get away with platform boots in any situation”.

Apparently, though, “just do what you want” only can operate within the laws of physics, which honestly is a bigger rip off than the fact I can’t get Google maps implanted in my brain yet.

Anyways, this is something I’ve struggled with for years, the ability to just do what I want, unfiltered from my incessant worrying about what people (read: my mom) are going to think. Adam on the other hand is prone to punching old ladies in the face if they get in his way, because, yeah, he just does what he wants. All the time, doing what he wants.

In reality this conversation has shifted my internal processing, especially when it comes to my very undetermined future as a functioning member of society. I suppose most of the things I want to do (read: giant squid) break this lame “laws of physics” rule. No one has ever told me to just do what I want before. I’ve been told to go to school, to stop being lazy and get a job, and to stop wearing tiaras in public, but never to “just do what I want”. It’s an entirely new concept to me, really, and I wonder why there isn’t a class entitled “Just Do What You Want: The Philosophy of Punching Old Ladies Who Get in Your Way in the Face”.

What is this going to mean for my travels, my future job prospects, my social life? Probably all bad things after I’ve assaulted a flight attendant for looking at me funny, written my resume using macaroni and glue and then decided only to attend functions with the words “super awesome” in the title.

I’m sitting here writing a paper that looks at the development of abortion rights in Latin America from a religious and colonial perspective. I don’t want to be writing this paper. I hate the fact I have to write this paper. I want to be in Latin America, not writing about it. Sitting on a beach, laying in a hammock, wandering the streets looking for something delicious to devour. Joining a group fighting for reproductive justice. Not writing about it so one guy can read it, grade it, and forget about it. After about every three sentences I write for my paper, I pop open Firefox and immerse myself in a travel blog, search a cheap fares website, or just look at pictures of exotic and beautiful places. I come back from day dreaming and hammer out the rest of a paragraph. I’m backpedaling, misfiring, completely lost in my own life.

If life is a highway, I’ve been stuck at a filthy truck stop for the last 5 years of my life.

My weekly roundup of interesting and relevant articles I’ve found on the wide and vast interwebs. This week it’s all about being unemployed!

The JET Programme
via Matador
Immediately after reading this article I messaged my boyfriend Adam and said “you can find work in Japan with your job skills, right?” This excited me. A year of living in Japan AND a job after I graduate in December? Yes please! Check for official info here


How to Make Travel Look Good on a Resume
via Traveler’s Notebook
Great suggestions for making all of your time spent wandering around work for you in your job search


Save the Economy
This entire site makes me pee myself laughing, and I figure since it has to do with this “tanking” economy of ours it is relevant to my sad state of joblessness. Installing toilets in all the rooms of my house? Yes!


Earn Money on the Road
via Brave New Traveler
This isn’t particularly relevant to my current state of financial affairs, but it could come in handy to other people! I’d rather be broke and living with my parents than broke on the road.


Save Money, Travel Later
via Vagabonish
A great and simple piece about four ways you can easily save money now so you can travel later.

So I’ve made up my mind: life is bland whether you are working or not. I do very much enjoy not working. I have all this time to cook and sit around and start book clubs called “Liberal Rejectionist Revisionary Visionary Literary Socialites” (AKA The Finer Things Club for all you Office fans). Our first book, thanks to Sarah, is The Little Prince.

I’m not sure how I found time to read this mostly illustrated 109 page childrens’ book into my time, especially since I have been completely wrapped up in RuPaul’s Drag Race. God I love Drag Queens. I wish I could BE a Drag Queen, and according to my gay bestie, there’s nothing stopping me. Then again, he wishes he was a woman, so it’s only fitting he encourage his lady friends to try and impersonate men (who impersonate women). I have been trying to find a drag show to attend, since seeing a real live fully fabulous and over the top drag show is #489 on my list.

My inspiration

Otherwise, life is bland. I’ve been working on papers and getting through the last 3 or 4 weeks of this semester. I then get a full two weeks to mentally reset and prepare myself for the long haul of spring and summer courses. Other than my short trip to Red Deer to see Hey Ocean do a show, I have no travel plans until June. Even then, it’s just Kelowna. I shouldn’t disparage Kelowna so much, I’m rather excited! At least there is water there.

Let me put it this way: the most exciting thing that’s happened in the past few days was Sarah telling me, without even giving detail, about a “sexy” dream she had.

A week ago I was let go from my job, which was my only real source of entertainment. I’m still not sure why I was let go. So far, what I have gathered is that I do not steal and I actually got things done and this mucked with their endeavors to go bankrupt. Yes, I actually had a conspiracy theory where I thought the owners of the company I worked for were attempting to go bankrupt. How else do you explain rubber shoes for $40 and introducing expensive and poorly sewn yoga pants into the ghetto-est mall in Calgary?

I’m not going to lie, I was pretty peeved. At least let me know why I’m being fired, instead of saying “the numbers aren’t there” and then telling me it “doesn’t matter” when I ask what that means. Slowly, within a 48 hour period, I realized exactly what had happened. They had told me not to come back to a job I hated and had tried to quit a month and a half ago. No more selling rubber shoes to the one person an hour who enters the store (yes one person an hour was about the average rate, unless it was Monday and then it was no person per hour). Can you really be insulted at someone telling you you aren’t good enough to sell over priced rubber to welfare mummies and homeless men? Really? No, I’ve decided I am okay with that turn of events. This list is about doing things that make me happy, and I think anyone who knows me can vouch for just how much I hated that job.

Making fun of a company doomed to swallow itself whole aside, what does being unemployed mean for me? Well, I did just book a trip to Kelowna that costs about the entirety of my final paycheque. That pretty much sucks, but at least I didn’t book some crazy trip to hike to Machu Picchu like I really had wanted. It also means that, barring my odd fascination with not having anything to do 4 days a week, I can start hunting for a new job! On my list there are a few job related items so I figured why not make lemonade vodka coolers out of lemons and apply for some waitressing or coffee house jobs? I’ve applied for a few waitressing jobs so far and I hope to hear back. I do need money to fund most of the things on my list and since Richard Branson hasn’t stepped up to the plate yet, I need to exchange my free time for legal tender.

The conversation went like this
Mom: Why did you get Tang when you don’t like orange flavour.
Me: …
Mom: I mean what inspired you?
Me: I didn’t know what Tang was.
Mom: Great job.

And that was how crossing number #591 off my list went.

When I added “Try Tang” to my list, I really had no idea what it was, other than a drink that was insanely popular 20+ years ago. How bad could it be? Well, given the fact I hate anything orange flavour, it would be really bad. I talked myself into still going through with it at the grocery store, after seeing the orange glow radiating from shelf. So put it in a cupboard when I got home and for weeks tried to forget it was there or on my list.

Of course boredom always wins out in the end.

It wasn’t really that bad, just really insanely sweet orange. Like orange juice except unhealthy. Definitely not one of the “favourites” list. Now the rest will sit in my fridge and hopefully someone else in my family will drink it. Ick.