Because Eventually I Have To Die, Maybe
Crossed Off!
As the joke goes…”Camping is in-tents”
Nov 4th
This is just a quick hit! Number 581 on my list was to go camping again. I vaguely remember going as a child, camping as we travelled around. By “vaguely” I mean I have a strong memory of camping at Niagra Falls and it raining so heavily that I could feel a river moving under the tent. Sidenote: I was also terrified of thunderstorms at the time and there I was, in a tent, during a thunderstorm. Fantastic. I went again when I was 10 or so with my parents and family friends, and it was just awful. So, naturally, I out-and-out refused to go outside or near trees for 15 years.
This summer I managed to overcome my deep fear and went camping a total of three times. And all three times I set up the tent. Oh yeah.
#581. Go camping again
I am one classy bitch
May 24th
You don’t have to know me to know that I am pure class. All class, all the time. It’s a known fact.
Okay, this is completely untrue. I am less classy than Ke$ha. At least she has nice clothes and a proper glitter budget. Suffice to say that if I had been the one marrying Prince William, I would have been removed from my own wedding. The fact is, I’m listening to “I Want Your Sex” by George Michael while at work. I’m also wearing a white bra and a black shirt. Yeah. One classy bitch.
So, seeing as how classy I truly am, it made complete sense to add “Have fondue” to my life list. I had the good fortune on Sunday to avoid being apocalypsed or turned into a Jesus Michael Jackson-esque zombie or whatever was supposed to happen, which allowed me to partake in dinner with my friend Scott (the following is my artist’s representation of Scott, since he doesn’t seem to have a website to link to…I’m confused).
Thanks to dudelol.com for this stunning rendition of Scott.Now, if you have met me, you know I tend to do brunch at Laurier Lounge, which has the best fucking brunch in the city of Calgary. I had never been there for dinner though, so we decided to go there. As I gazed over the menu all I could think was: “well, there goes my shoe budget for the year” (because I am classy and have a shoe budget). This is when my favourite and oh-so adorable waitress Genevieve suggested we partake in the (I wish I could write in rainbow glittering lettering for this) FONDUE EXPERIENCE. Three courses of fondue. FEATURING A BEEF FLOWER (again, rainbow lettering.)
Swiss cheese and French bread. European bastard children never tasted this good.Uhm, yeah. Right now. Thanks.
Do I have to mention dessert was fresh fruit with Bernard Callebaut chocolate?
Off my list. Possibly the classiest of all the additions.
421. Have fondue
Crossed Off: Body Shot
Aug 13th
Zombies Beware
Aug 11th
So, I think guns are awesome. I haven’t always felt this way, but over the past few years I have become a rabid anti-gun law type, feeling as though Canada wastes a lot of time and money ‘protecting’ us from guns. The only people who follow gun laws are people who don’t do stupid shit with their guns. ANYWAYS. Before I fall into a desperate rant about pretty much nothing, yet keeping on the topic of guns, you may have noticed I had ‘Fire a Gun’ on my life list, under #155 to be precise.
Allow me to throw into this mix: Phil, this dude I know who really, really, really loves guns. So much so that he has a membership at a local gun range. I showed up at Phil’s house a few days ago, ready for another day of watching Food Network with his parents, but instead he said “let’s go”. When asked where we might be going (in case he was planning on murdering me, I’d like to find out in advance) he replied “The Shooting Edge” . Definitely going to murder me. I mentally prepared myself for death, accepted the inevitable, and climbed in his car.
Much to my surprise, Phil was not planning on murdering me. In fact, he wanted to teach me how to properly use firearms, presumably so we could have epic glock showdowns in his house. I signed in as a guest and waited patiently with a copy of “Pheasants Forever” until a shooting bay was empty for our use. I let Phil do the talking, as I had no idea what was going on whatsoever. Phil chose a 9mm Beretta for my first experience.
After the 10 minute introduction to firearm safety and what to expect, we threw on our eyes and ears and entered the shooting bays. Holy fuck on a stick is it loud. I don’t like loud noises so I was a bit apprehensive at first, standing near the back insisting Phil go first (somewhat hoping he’d shoot me and put me out of my noise-induced misery). Our super awesome Range Officer then loaded a single bullet into the mag and made sure I was holding properly and then gave me a countdown to three and told me to fire (at the target, not willy nilly). I was still nervous at this point so I’m not going to go on a long string of “what a rush” and “I knew I was addicted”. In fact, I didn’t really like the Beretta. Too much kick and I had no idea how to aim it. Thankfully, Phil is never okay with just one gun, and insisted we try a glock.
Now, I say this in all honesty: I am going to take a glock down to the courthouse, marry it proper and make sweet, sweet love to it (I’ll allow that horrific image to sink in for a little. Also: hi mom.)
I really got into firing the glock. I love slamming in the mag, pulling back the thinger magigger, and letting loose a hailstorm of deadly lead pieces imagining all of the zombies I could be hypothetically mowing down with my murderous prowess. This is all made better by the fact The Shooting Edge has movie posters from The Crazies freely available in the bays. Needless to say I am now the proud owner of a hella dead photographic zombie.
With a sigh, I finished off the last clip, looking at Phil with my patented “I am so sad this over, do something now” eyes. Luckily, Phil either responds well to this look or is simply gun crazy, because he turned to our Range Officer and said “anyway we could fire a shotgun today?”. Our Range Officer, seeming to be just as excited as I was at the request, packed up our glock and went to get us a badass deer exploding piece of metal machinery. The shotgun tutorial was a bit longer, but worth it, because he taught us the proper technique not to get thrashed by the kickback. Phil went first (I went second, just for your own reference). I don’t care about Phil going, so I’ll talk about me and I really only have one thing to say:
Shit. I’m divorcing the glock. Shotgun wedding, for reals.
155. Fire a gun
Crossed Off!: Strippers Can Touch You in Montreal
Jul 25th
And it’s kind of skanky.
One Sunday night whilst I was in Montreal for the Explore program, my homosexual friend Abraham suggested we go into The Village and experience one of the men-only strip joints, since it hosted ladies night every week on the Lord’s Day (hah!) $5 Cover at Campus gains you entry into some basic stripping, albeit by some extremely hot men. Some of them were hot. Other’s Abraham and I decided looked like they probably ate babies for breakfast because of their ‘roid problems. Ick.
We thought it would be funny to get lap dances too, since we were there. I had heard from other chicklets in my French program who had gone to straight strip clubs that they just danced near you, they couldn’t touch you and you couldn’t touch them. Not so much a problem at Campus, apparently. The first words my stripper (my stripper, lol) said to me were ‘you can touch me anywhere’. I did not take him up on this offer. He, on the otherhand, attempted to do things that HE would have to pay ME for. I was kind of revolted. And he made me smell like cologne for the rest of the night, which was gross, because I’m a girl and I don’t particularily like smelling like a dude.
And thus ended my adventure at the strippers.
Whatever.
It got something off of my list.
306. Go to the strippers
Crossed Off!! #350 – Graduate with a BA
Jul 21st
Well, I have gone and finished something off of my life list apparently, graduating with a BA. I one-upped myself though and pulled off a double major, thus graduating with two BAs, one in History and one in Women’s Studies. Both with distinction. Holla! This was by far one of my longest tasks to complete, taking me a full five and a half years. I’ve already started looking into grad schools, because I – for some reason – included getting my Master’s on this list. Oh and PhD. I must really hate myself.
Regardless, I guess I’m proud of myself. I think I was just more excisted for retarded photo-ops.


#350. Graduate with a BA
Now to spend the rest of the day packing for the annual weeklong trip to Kingston, ON.
Hoover Dam
Jun 29th
Kelowna
Jun 23rd
Forgive my ridiculous lack of posting. There is not excuse for laziness…pure, consuming, indulgent laziness.
I did make it out to Kelowna for a rather short, but incredibly relaxing trip. Adam and I just hung out and took in the beautiful surroundings. I did get to see the Spotted Lake near Osoyoos, which was pretty awesome. It was actually one of the things I was most excited for on my list, because I like freaky natural things. CheckĀ out the pic below.
I also got a massage for the first time, which has gotten me a slight addiction. There is definitely not picture of that. Pervs.
Two things were crossed off of my list in the short trip!
26. Get a massage from a professional
308. Go the Spotted Lake at Osoyoos, BC
#591 – Tang
Mar 24th
The conversation went like this
Mom: Why did you get Tang when you don’t like orange flavour.
Me: …
Mom: I mean what inspired you?
Me: I didn’t know what Tang was.
Mom: Great job.
And that was how crossing number #591 off my list went.
When I added “Try Tang” to my list, I really had no idea what it was, other than a drink that was insanely popular 20+ years ago. How bad could it be? Well, given the fact I hate anything orange flavour, it would be really bad. I talked myself into still going through with it at the grocery store, after seeing the orange glow radiating from shelf. So put it in a cupboard when I got home and for weeks tried to forget it was there or on my list.
Of course boredom always wins out in the end.
It wasn’t really that bad, just really insanely sweet orange. Like orange juice except unhealthy. Definitely not one of the “favourites” list. Now the rest will sit in my fridge and hopefully someone else in my family will drink it. Ick.

File Under: Thanks But No Thanks
Mar 18th

image via Dilidou
Heights are not my thing. Thus, Pulpit Rock in Norway scares the crap out of me. Just watching those people sit leisurely on the edge makes me sink to the carpet covered floors of my room in my “safety crouch” (reserved for swinging bridges, gondola lifts, driving on the sides of mountains, the fake Eiffel Tower in Las Vegas, and pictures of Pulpit Rock). You can definitely file a visit to Preikestolen as it as known in its Native language under Thanks But No Thanks









