One of the more nerve racking things I have included on my list is a trip up the CN tower to walk on the glass floor. I am terrified of heights and am not exactly a huge fan of elevators, especially those with glass windows, so this particular item on the list was more a test in will power than a chance to have fun. Though I had every intention of making the trip on my excursion out east, I didn’t have any definite plans. My travel partner Chris and I decided more or less on a whim to go into Toronto from Guelph in the middle of the afternoon and go up the highest building in the world. Greyhound tickets purchased last minute and some clamoring to get onto the bus did nothing to settle my nerves. When we arrived in the core, the tower dominated the skyline, pointing ever upward, reminding us of where we would soon be standing.
We got into the queue to pay for tickets and were informed at the booth that there was an hour wait to get up, another hour wait to get to the sky pod (a higher lookout), and an full 60 minutes wait to get down. Since we had already sat on a Greyhound bus for over an hour and a half, we figured we had no choice but to put on our patient faces and stand in line with all the other tourists. The package we chose was $26.50CND, and included the regular observation deck, the glass floor, and the sky pod, we decided to pay the extra $4 for the sky pod experience and extra hour in line!
We got in line with the rest of the tourist sheep, but noticed that the line was far too short to be over an hour like we were told. We assumed that they gave a “worst case scenario” wait time to avoid angry people, but when we discovered we were only in line a mere 20 minutes, we were a bit baffled. Worst case scenario is one thing, but it seems we were given the “operating with one elevator” wait time instead. I shouldn’t complain too much, as 20 minutes standing with the brats from hell and their douche bag family that were behind us was 20 minutes too long in the first place. Let me warn you: the place is crawling with demon children. If you don’t like small children, I suggest avoiding the CN tower altogether or email them suggesting a child free day or evening so you can actually enjoy the experience.
We got into our elevator, and the first thing I noticed was the fully glassed “walls”, but I had to give thanks to the attendants for not placing me in a glass-floored elevator. As we started our climb the vertigo and fear took over, and I closed my eyes tight, and counted the 58 seconds down in my head. Everyone else was oohing and aahing over the view, but opening my eyes was not an option for me. Once at the top we were thrust into a pulsing orgy of screaming children, running children, and men acting like children. We slowly made our way to the glass floor, slipping through cracks in the crowd and avoiding small children running under our feet.
Of course, the glass floor was plastered with small children crawling and swimming around as they are wont to do. It was a challenge getting close to it. Upon catching glimpses of it through the feet and children’s bodies, my heart starting racing. I couldn’t stand on it, I just couldn’t. Chris over course hopped onto it like no bodies business, walking around and posing for my camera. I knew I had to do it, since if I didn’t do it then it would mean another 26 bucks and a hellish elevator ride up the tower again. I planted a foot onto the see-through floor, heard a creaking sound, but decided to stick to my guns. I was only on there a little bit at first, and had to get off. There are SO many giant fat men jumping on it, shaking what seems to be the entire tower. It’s ridiculous and annoying.
We went out to the observation deck and saw what we could, but by this point we were both overcome with hatred for man kind, especially their offspring. Chris was also battling a major headache, so we decided to forego the sky pod, and head back down. We got into the line, which of course had a screaming/crying brat in it, and waited for our turn on the elevator. While I’m sure it didn’t take an hour, it sure felt like it with the high pitched screaming going on everywhere around us.
My general review of the CN tower is that it’s a giant waste of money. It’s over-priced tourist shit with too many children running wild and being insanely loud. As I said to Chris on the way down, I would only recommend it to people planning on jumping to their death since it would reaffirm why life is not worth living. I guess it’s something you have to do while you’re in Toronto and such things, but maybe bring some ear plugs.
Of and of course you can always high five one of the bears to make yourself feel better!
