This is a bit of a wandering-mind piece, considering the pros and cons of people helping you complete items on your life list.

There is something to be said about the company of friends, without a doubt. I sincerely hope no one embarks on a nominal life list without the intention of getting a little help and companionship along the way. First and foremost I want to say that it is a good thing to have people involved in your life in any form, bucket lists being no exception. The topic I am concerned with is when this help and companionship goes a little to far. When that well meaning aid in completing yet another item on your life list verges on obsession and overwhelming pressure. Sometimes it might seem, especially with a public list, that your list is no longer your own, but public domain. Should you just run with it and appreciate the help, or take a stance?

I have been so blessed with the unexpected outpouring of desire to help me cross things off my ever growing and expansive list. My mother, partner, and friends are all thrilled with the idea, many starting their own in fact. My mom has been one of the best, so have my friend’s J and Cal in Ontario. Adam has surprised me with things to do on my list, which I appreciate to no extent since Adam is normally not the best when it comes to surprises. I cannot stress enough the appreciation I have for the help and shared amusement at crossing things off of my list. Most of the things on my list are best done with other human beings, particularly ones I enjoy being around. It was not an intention when I conceived the idea of writing a massive list, but I have ended up spending more time with the people I like a lot (I was raised not to love other human beings – thanks mom).

So while I do appreciate this help, I have found that at times it can a bit too much. People make plans around your list or try and steer events towards things on your list. The thing is, when you write these items on your list, no matter how small or big, chances are you have some vision of when and where they might happen, maybe even an inkling of who you would like to take along for the ride. These items on your list have meaning to you in one shape or form, which is probably why they have appeared on your bucket list. Some things are pure novelty, like doing a shot for shot drinking contest, but others probably have a background. Now, on my particular list I have not truly specified many who’s or where’s because I do not want to limit myself nor add too many particulars to my list that I have no control over. There are many, many, many items on my list that I envision doing with my boyfriend. I have not specified this, because realistically speaking in a year’s time our lives could have taken us in separate directions, and any chances I would have at driving on the Autobahn WITH ADAM would be gone. So I will leave it at simply driving on the Autobahn, because I want to do it nonetheless.

These particulars may not always appear on life lists, but with all plans and dreams, they probably have a context and a root. A reason for existing on that particular list. Which brings us back to the idea of help from friends. I cannot decide if refusing this help is in any way rude. Is it inappropriate to turn down the offered help, or pressure in some cases, and explain the context of your goal? The problem with making your life list public is that it does make it somewhat public domain. Friends and family will use it as a guide to plan things, possibly without necessarily asking you prior to making plans. They will suggest things that will seem perfectly reasonable, as they are located smack dab in the middle of your life list, yet you had different plans for that particular item. “Oh, I sort of wanted to do that with my boyfriend…” just seems to rude to me, personally, as true as it may be. Or your entire reasons for doing something may just seem odd to other people. I found myself at a loss the other day when a good friend was suggesting we go let loose at the strippers, which is on my life list. The entire reason I have this on my list is not to let loose at all, but to go see it just for that. I might leave after 5 minutes, to be quite honest, the entire idea of the strippers does not appeal to me in the least, it does quite the opposite. But I found myself hemming and hawing over it, unable to just spit out the real reason of WHY I did not want to go to the strippers. We have conflicting ideas on why to go, so why would I bring someone who is there to ENJOY the strippers with me, when I am going simply to “check out the scene and simply observe the ongoings”. I don’t necessarily think I would enjoy going to the strippers with this particular friend (after much thought concerning our different feelings towards the practice and him having told me he would participate in the coin flicking which sends a shiver down my spine), yet seeing as the fact on my list it says “HEY I WANT TO GO TO THE STRIPPERS” it puts an awkward spin on the entire thing. Is that event in my life now public domain and up for grabs? Should I feel rude and unfriendly telling people that despite the fact no specifics are included in the list I had meant that to happen with someone else or at a different time?

I suppose this is simply a question of North American propriety in the 21st century. My life list will remain online, if not simply for the fact if I wrote it on paper it would get lost within the day. I do hope that my friends and family continue to help me cross things off, as I have enjoyed their support and company during the few I have, especially my mother’s incredible effort to help me finish my Southern Alberta Mini-List a few months back. I do suppose in the end honesty and communication are always the best bet, and I certainly do not want to scare anyone away from helping me with this monster of a life list.